Happiness friends, is not seeing your name on Craigslist.org "Missed Connection" page. Some of those things are straight up creepy. Brook and Jubal gave us this gems this week...

To The Waitress That Is Completely Obsessed With Me. M4W 31 (Applebee's)

"Look, I get it! I'm a good looking guy and that's fine. But lets quit playing all these silly little waitress games. Every single time I come in, there you are in your hiked up collared shirt, smiling at me with your tiny baby teeth, tasselling your hair around and giggling every time you refill my Diet Coke. Your all over me like butter on a loaded brisket enchilada. Don't get me wrong...I like the attention, but my god woman! Can't a man eat his chicken tenders lunch combo in peace? Even you have to agree this is too much and your scaring my perspective employees who I interview at your establishment. I didn't want to embarrass you and alert your managers, so I hope you see this message. I have SERIOUS business to do at the Applebee's, so I expect the wait staff to back off and stop drooling all over me! Reply if you see this. Randal."

It must be a high powered position if the interview is at APPLEBEE'S!

I found this one locally...

You Jumped me! - m4w (East Moline)

"Hello, I know this is a slim shot, but I'm looking for the beautiful woman that gave me a jump at Menards in Moline. I'm an attractive 6'1 black man.You are white in your 40's maybe and what I found to be HOT!!!!.This happened maybe month ago, can't get you out of my head. If you read this, tell me what kind of vehicle I was driving. Let's talk!!!!"

Isn't this how adult movies start?