The Top 10 Things You Didn’t Know About Groundhog Day
Punxsutawney Phil makes his annual appearance today. And you know that if he sees his shadow and returns to his hole, we'll have six more weeks of winter-like weather. But here are "The Top 10 Things You Didn't Know About Groundhog Day."
1. Whether Punxsutawney Phil sees his shadow or not, you're an idiot for thinking it matters.
2. If you know how to spell "Punxsutawney," you're from Punxsutawney.
3. It opened the door for other adorable weather predictors. Like Al Roker.
4. After the ceremony, locals disembowel Phil in a pagan ritual.
5. Like everyone else in Pennsylvania, Phil is lured from his home with methamphetamine.
6. This will be the first year Phil refuses to leave his hole because of who's in the White House.
7. In reality, Punxsutawney Phil does not have the ability to accurately predict the weather. So he's like any other meteorologist.
8. Everyone loves the groundhog crap in the morning, but nobody really talks about the virgin sacrifice that happens at sunset.
9. Phil's real last name is Brownstein, but he dropped it when he got into showbiz.
10. People who think nothing interesting ever happens in Punxsutawney are . . . correct, even on February 2nd.
UPDATE: Reports have come in that Phil has seen his shadow. That means 6 more weeks of winter-like weather. So looks like we will be hunting Easter Eggs in parkas.