Don’t Give Drunk Iowans Fireworks And 9 Other Fireworks Safety Tips

Nothing says 'happy birthday America' like beer and fireworks.

The 4th of July: the time of the year where all we want is a match and a fuse to blow up some glittery firework explosion.

Merica: The 10 Funniest Fireworks Names You'll Find In Iowa This Summer

Even though it should be common sense to not let the most drunk one at the cookout be the one to light the fireworks, it's not common sense so let's review.

According to the U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission, 8 deaths from fireworks happened in 2023 and over 9,700 people were treated in ER's the same year for fireworks-related injuries. They and the National Safety Council have a few suggestions to help you not be one of those stats. And some of these you may not have thought of.

• Keep a water bucket or garden hose handy
• Sparklers are more dangerous than you think.
  • Exhibit A: Iowa Banned Fireworks For Almost 80 Years After This One Incident
• Don't hold a lit firework in your hand (duh?)
• Don't shoot fireworks at each other (as if you won't)
• Soak both spent and unused fireworks in water before throwing them away
• Don't ignite fireworks while they're in a container
• Don't try to re-light fireworks that don't go off
• Don't light them inside (again, duh?)
• Set them off one at a time

The visual for this is like deep-frying a turkey on Thanksgiving. Everyone watching, excited and stepped the heck back while someone with guts lights something very flammable up.

Moral of the story: don't drunk text your ex over the 4th of July weekend and don't set the friends and fams on fire.